In 2022, I found a lump in my armpit. I was busy with life and had no pain so I convinced myself that I was ok. The lump remained, so in March, I had it checked out and was advised it was nothing to worry about. I was delighted and really believed I was ok. Towards the end of 2022, I discovered a significant mass in my right breast. I requested an appointment for a mammogram and was referred to St. James Hospital on Dec 29th. Christmas that year was a mishmash of emotions, anticipation and trepidation for what was looming.
I attended my mammogram appointment in St James where I met with a kind and empathetic consultant; who checked me and gently explained that I would need to return at a later date for my mammogram as part of a triple assessment. I had no idea what this meant but she took the time to explain and I left the hospital apprehensive, but still hopeful. The triple assessment was set for January 5th, the same day as my brother’s birthday. This for me was the toughest assessment both physically and emotionally. It was the first time that I felt like I had to surrender my body and give up control, which was hard for me as I’d always been so incredibly independent and I hasten to say, a bit of a control freak!
That appointment was like a dream, almost like an outer body experience, silent tears flowing, surrounded by so many people yet feeling so lonely. I will always be grateful for the kindness of the team that day. On January 13th, I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma and my world changed forever. From here I was in a maze of scans, appointments, chemo with surgery and radiotherapy still to come. I adopted the mantra of ‘slow and steady, a day at a time’. I made a conscious effort not to google and not to think too far ahead and this really worked for me.
While it’s such a tough time, good things can come out of it too, the people you meet, the friends you make, the undeniable strength you have inside of you that you may never have realized before. For me cancer served as a reset, to slow down, to ‘not sweat the small stuff’, to accept help and to hold your family and tight group of friends close. The trajectory of life truly changed for me and acceptance took time but that’s ok.
A huge part of a diagnosis and the path to recovering is that you do come out the other side a different person. As cliché as it sounds it just puts things into perspective. I’m very lucky that I am well, I am living life again albeit at a slower pace. I nourish my mind and body every day, something I did not do before, I was too busy running and racing.
My overall message having had my lived experience, would be go to with your gut, if you have any concerns with your breasts and your body, please act. I know it’s scary and absolutely not something we want to have to deal with, but it’s better to be overcautious and you truly are the best assessor of your own body. Reach out for support to services, accept help, accept the cooked dinners and the offers from your sister to do the dishes, letting go is hard but you can do it. And finally, I am sending a big squeezy hug to anyone that needs it and let them know everything will be OK.
